Texting, Batman, and Other Hazards of Friendship
by Ichthyophobia
Summary: AU. Shinichi and Kaito are a few things: Best friends, addicted to texting, and utterly nuts. It works out well enough. (Done for the second prompt exchange at Poirot Cafe forums. Modified semi-epistolary format. Canon pairings.)


**A.N.: Done for the second prompt exchange at Poirot Cafe forums. The prompt I received was "AU where Chikage was murdered, not Toichi, and Kaito and Shinichi are best friends." Which resulted in this. If I had more time, I would've gone into more of the story arcs, but I didn't. I tried something like a modified epistolary format for parts of this, and I'm not sure how well it works. Hopefully people find it funny, though.**

* * *

For Shinichi Kudo, age 15, texting at crime scenes was a pretty normal activity.

Well. _Crime scenes_ were a pretty normal activity, even back when it'd just been his father solving them. And he'd always kind of had to entertain himself, back before the police had given up on keeping him away from anything that could traumatize him and actually let himself investigate. So texting at a crime scene was pretty normal, now that he'd gotten his own cell phone.

Texting _while investigating_ crime scenes, not so much.

Inspector Megure gave his best long-suffering look to the assisting officers as they all watched the teenager standing on a chair, taking pictures of the top of the rafters. Click, click, click went the phone camera, followed a few seconds later by the _bing_ sent text noise that they'd heard about fifty times so far today.

"Kudo-kun," Megure-keibu said. "Do you have a theory?"

"I think I might have proof," Shinichi answered, gesturing with his phone. "Look – see these marks along the top of the rafters? Something like thin rope or twine has disturbed the dust."

"Hmm." Megure looked at the offered phone-picture. "He hung himself in the other room, though."

"Didn't hang _himself_ ," Shinichi reminded. "Was hung."

"Yes, yes, right," said Megure, who still didn't buy Shinichi's theory but knew better than to argue. "So what do these marks have to do with..."

He was interrupted by one of the texts receiving a reply.

 **That would work** _ **,**_ the text said, **as long as the rope is one of those low-stretch kinds. Any static rope type would do it. What's the weight on this?**

Shinichi started texting back immediately, leaving Megure sputtering. "Kudo-kun, are you texting someone about an active investigation?"

"Nothing scandalous. No pictures of the bodies," Shinichi replied absently. "And he's been in France for almost a month now. Besides, he knows way more about this kind of thing than I do."

"What kind of thing?" Megure asked, as Shinichi finished typing up a reply text.

 **150 kilos. It was Cat5 cable** _ **.**_ "The apparently impossible."

Before he could answer, the phone _binged_ again. **Give me five minutes. Probably six pulleys, look for cans or old film reels. Could have a counterweight too** _ **.**_

"Kudo-kun, what..."

"I'll be back – get your own pictures of the rafters, but don't let anyone disturb the dust!"

Megure just sighed in his wake. "Get pictures. Someone follow him."

Four minutes later, a grinning Kudo-kun was back, with a 50-kilo bag of rice, an enormous ball of twine, and six tuna cans with holes cut in the center, all apparently recovered from the kitchen with the housekeeper's prints all over them. "I'm almost positive," he said, "that the housekeeper killed him."

"She wasn't even in the same room."

"No – she was in the kitchen! Here, see these holes in the walls? If the cable was threaded through here..." And he launched into some ridiculously complex explanation about tensile strength and tuna-can pulleys and the rice helping make up for the weight difference, all of which would render the housekeeper's alibi utterly moot – if it worked.

Then the phone _bing_ ed again, and Shinichi dove for it. The photo he'd sent earlier had been drawn on to show pulley locations – two to direct the rope and a set of double pulleys – accompanied by the message **Catch the bad guy, Meitantei!** and a frankly alarming number of emojis.

Shinichi was practically beside himself with glee. He shoved the phone into Megure's hands. "Like that. Set it up like that."

They did.

It worked.

And one dramatic confession and subsequent arrest later, Shinichi was texting again as they finished taking his statement, grinning widely and laughing as if at some private joke.

"So, ah, Kudo-kun," Megure said. "Who are you talking to?"

"Old friend of mine," Shinichi answered.

"And his name?"

"Kuroba Kaito."

* * *

Shinichi had been eight years old when he and Kaito had met. He'd been a brat, but so had Kaito, really, and the initial five minute screaming match had somehow ended up as friendship.

It hadn't helped that they met at a funeral, though.

Kaito had almost been eight when he lost his mom. Everyone agreed, or at least everyone in on the whole story agreed, that what happened to her had actually been meant for his dad. But she'd thought to check the trick ahead of time, and it had blown up in her face – literally.

According to the official police record, it'd been an accident. Kaito, who'd seen it happen, knew better. And according to Kaito's other friends, the police were never wrong because it was their job to find the truth, and so at the age of almost-eight Kaito had been thoroughly traumatized, very angry, and determined not to have any friends if all of his friends were going to be such skeptical jerks.

Enter Shinichi, skeptical jerk extraordinaire.

But once Shinichi'd been forcibly (and _loudly_ ) reminded Why You Don't Deduce People at Funerals, he'd been the first person, other than Kaito's dad, to believe him. After all, every death he'd ever encountered – which was a lot – had been a murder. He didn't see why this one should be any different.

And thus began the most terrifying friendship of Shinichi's life.

* * *

 **You know anything about arsenic uptake in plants?**

 **Only that it can't get concentrated enough to immediately kill someone. Chronic toxicity yes, but has to be done over a couple of weeks. Why?**

 **It's for a trick. Flame colors.**

 **Ah.**

 **You know anything about firework construction?**

 **Is that an actual question? You've known me for how long.**

 **Are rice hulls an actual ingredient?**

 **Can be. Coat them in black powder and they're a great bursting charge.**

 **Dang.**

 **Why?**

 **It's for a case. Thought they might be planted.**

 **Ah. Better luck next time, Meitantei!**

* * *

At the age of nine, Shinichi learned french. At the age of almost-nine, Kaito learned english.

Then Shinichi, in french, read the Arsene Lupin books, and Kaito, in english, read the Sherlock Holmes stories.

Both still insisted that their favorite was better.

They weren't quite _best_ friends, not yet. After all, Shinichi already had Ran, and Kaito had Aoko. And it was hard to be best friends when they lived in different wards, went to different schools, and Kaito spent half his time off on global tours with his dad. They only ever saw each other at either their parents sneaky anti-criminal-organization meetings, or at Kaitou Kid heists. There just wasn't enough time to spend together for them to be _best_ friends.

But they could absolutely be best _other_ best friends.

For a long time, they were pen pals. By the age of ten, Shinichi had a collection of postcards from Kaito, written and addressed in every language Kaito picked up, all tacked up on the wall of his room. He had pictures of Kaito in London, making rude faces in front of the Sherlock Holmes museum, and pictures of Kaito in France grinning excitedly with the hollow needle from Arsene Lupin in the background. He had a program from the first magic show that Kaito'd assisted with, and a video recording of Kaito sticking his dad with a prop sword as a crowd roared with laughter. His parents called that corner of his bedroom the shrine to Kaito, and he was never sure if they were joking.

Kaito, meanwhile, had a similar wall at home, with clippings from cases Shinichi had helped with and every postcard (every single one of a random Tokyo landmark) that Shinichi'd sent back. He had pictures of Shinichi at class festivals and a picture of Shinichi in full Sherlock Holmes getup. He had a copy of Shinichi's first violin composition, and a recording of him playing it. When he couldn't be at home, he decorated the inside of his suitcase with the pictures, and didn't listen to his dad and Jii-chan teasing him about it at _all._

And then they both got email accounts.

They were in daily contact after that.

* * *

 **I think I have one of your birds.**

 **Could be. We have a couple from that outdoor show that haven't come home yet. Got the leg band?**

 **Yeah, she's yours. Can you come get her?**

 **I'll see what I can do. Keep her there.**

 **Seriously not a problem.**

 **Why, what's she doing?**

 **Nesting in my hair.**

 **Oh, you found Hana-chan! She must like you.**

 **How lovely for me. Did you train her to do it?**

 **No, I just didn't stop her. And we do look a lot alike.**

 **Yes, but of the two of us only one has hair that could be described as nest-like.**

 **Yes, but of the two of us only one sits still for any length of time.**

 **Touche.**

* * *

They didn't get to meet often, but they made the most of it when they did. Shinichi's parents actually pulled him out of school for one of Kaito's visits once, and sometimes they all ended up on vacation together.

Of course, they were always those suspicious vacations that seemed to happen to Kaito a lot, where activities included _following that guy_ and the fun games of _reverse pickpocketing,_ _lock picking contest_ , and _spot the operative in disguise,_ and they typically ended with Shinichi's dad making a whole bunch of deductions, and maybe fifteen arrests. But they always got to go out for ice cream afterwards, so neither one of them were complaining.

But the most frequent place they met was at Kaitou Kid heists.

Kaito's friend Aoko's dad, Nakamori-keibu, was in charge of catching Kaitou Kid, so Kaito sometimes got to go and watch. Shinichi's dad was frequently brought in by the jewel owners, so Shinichi (and Ran!) sometimes got to go and watch.

Kaito's dad was there too, but it took Shinichi until he was twelve to figure _that_ out.

But they would meet up there when the officers tried to herd the kids out of the scene, and immediately recognize each other, and proceed to swap jackets and hats to see how many people they could confuse. It turned out to be a lot of people – including their parents, once. Aoko started calling Shinichi "Kaito Two", while Ran called Kaito "Shinichi Two". They'd sneak back into the heist location (Kaito was _excellent_ at sneaking) to see the theft, Kaito because of the magic and Shinichi to try to figure out the trick. He rarely could, and Kaito would never tell, even though Shinichi could _tell_ he knew. And then afterwards, when Shinichi's dad needed to stay behind for statements and Kaito's dad was... somewhere, they'd take Aoko and Ran out to get consolatory/celebratory cake.

It was the _best._

* * *

 **Won't be around for Golden Week this year. We've got a couple of last minute shows coming up. Gonna make a car disappear.**

 **Dang. See you in May sometime?**

 **Maybe. We'll know by the 31** **st** **, though.**

 **What's the 31** **st** **?**

 **Announcement of the spring exhibits at the Beika museum.**

 **Ah. So, Batman reasons then.**

 **Batman reasons.**

* * *

When they were twelve, Shinichi finally put it together. Kaito's dad was never around at heists, Kaito was always in town when they happened, and how many genius magician acrobats were there running around Tokyo anyway? All the pieces fit, and he didn't like the picture they made.

He confronted Kaito about it. The resulting shouting match lasted for an hour.

The refusal to speak to each other lasted a month.

Their parents were the only thing that saved the friendship. Kaito's dad sat him down and explained _everything_ , from his mother's death (murder) to the men they hunted on vacation and the snipers that sometimes showed up at heists, and culminating in a jewel that couldn't exist but maybe did anyway. Shinichi's dad sat him down and explained _nothing,_ talking around the issue by saying that good people have to do bad things and musing aloud for several hours on the morality of espionage and the role of lies in uncovering the truth, and only briefly mentioning the _giant criminal organization_ that they'd been hunting for four years now before finally dismissing the subject by saying that nobody could prove anything about Kid anyway and that Shinichi and Kaito should be friends again.

So – reluctantly – they were.

Neither of them ever apologized.

Kaito never admitted that his dad was Kaitou Kid. He couldn't – he'd had enough experience with bugs to never say it out loud, and if he said it in writing it could be taken as evidence. So he wouldn't say it. Shinichi didn't like it, but he could understand.

So, in the name of friendship, secrecy, and not getting Kaito's dad arrested, they agreed that Toichi Kuroba was definitely, absolutely, and in no way at all Kaitou Kid.

But Kaito would readily admit to him being _Batman._

* * *

 **I think you may have competition for "most ridiculous fan of Sherlock Holmes."**

 **What? Why? You meet someone in England?**

 **Oh yes. Came to the show, tried to deduce all the tricks. Only got two.**

 **I always get at least three.**

 **You've had practice.**

 **Okay, yes.**

 **But you didn't let me finish. Came to the show... in a deerstalker and inverness coat. Magnifying glass in his pocket. Quoted that "When you have eliminated the impossible" thing at me.**

 **You're kidding.**

 **Not kidding. I thought he was kidding.**

 **Pictures?**

 **Pictures.**

 **...He's serious.**

 **Very.**

 **I thought I was bad. But I haven't dressed up like that since I was ten.**

 **Twelve. The costume party.**

 **Okay yes. But wow. He wears that in public?**

 **He wears it everywhere. Also, more pictures:**

 **...It's a hawk. He has a hawk. He brought his hawk to a magic show?**

 **Its name is Watson.**

 **I have to meet this guy.**

 **Gave him your email.**

 **You're the best.**

* * *

When Shinichi turned 14, his birthday present was a cell phone. Two cell phones, actually, and the other one went to Kaito. International calls were still rare, time zones being what they were, but his parents very quickly learned the necessity of an unlimited texting plan.

And by the time Shinichi was sixteen, everyone was used to the constant texting. At crime scenes, in the breaks between classes, over meals, on vacations, and only not during school lectures thanks to the teacher's constant vigilance.

And in this particular case, at an aquarium.

Ran was reading Shinichi's texts over his shoulder, because Kaito was usually interesting, and Shinichi didn't really mind. Back and forth about the camera-in-the-hat trick used in the inevitable stabbing that Shinichi had just solved.

 **She got lucky, though** _ **,**_ Kaito said. **Boyfriend-san had to be an idiot not to notice the weight.**

 **Like you couldn't have pulled it off,** Shinichi texted back.

 **As if I'd have to resort to that.**

 **Just saying you could** _ **.**_

 **Could, yes, but I know about fifteen better cameras. Smaller, lighter, correct aspect ratio! I would be uncatchable.**

 **Murder is bad, Kaito.**

 **Crud, now you tell me. Any tips on hiding bodies?**

And a string of increasingly alarming emoji.

 **Hah. Hah.**

Ran steered the texting-and-therefore-oblivious Shinichi into the aquarium cafe, ordered food for them both, and leaned over to read what they were saying now.

 **Don't tell me it's not.**

 **It's not!**

The phone _bing_ ed again, just as their food arrived. She didn't get a chance to lean over before Shinchi yelped and fumbled his phone. She picked it up and handed it back, but not before getting a look at the screen.

 **Confess your love in front of the sharks. Sharks are very romantic.**

"...Kaito's being an idiot again?" she asked a furiously blushing Shinichi.

"Who says he ever stops?" Shinichi said, as he took his phone back.

They spent the rest of the afternoon texting Kaito pictures of fish.

 **You're awful and I hate you and the next time I see you I'm putting a smoke bomb down your shirt.**

(And he totally did.)

* * *

 **Batman problems are the wooooorst** _ **.**_

 **I'm never sure if I should answer these texts. Does this make me an accessory?**

 **An accessory to crimefighting.**

 **Fine, fine. What's happened?**

 **Got all our lockpicks stolen out of the luggage. We need them tomorrow. You ever try to buy lockpicks on short notice?**

 **I can honestly say I have never had that problem.**

 **That's because your life is boring, Meitantei.**

 **Whatever you say, Robin.**

 **Hate you too.**

* * *

The clocktower heist was just about the most awkward thing ever.

 **Why is Batman trying to steal a clock?**

 **Not exactly Batman.**

 **Impostor, then?**

 **Not exactly.**

 **...Kaito, tell me you're not doing what I think you are.**

 **That depends entirely on what you're thinking I'm doing.**

And later:

 **Is this revenge for that time I got you stuck in an air vent?**

 **Yes.**

And later:

 **Did you actually SHOOT at me?**

 **Not AT you. But in your general direction.**

 **Thanks for ruining the trick, jerk.**

 **When your tricks are technically illegal I have no problem with that.**

 **Shut up.**

 **Nice code though.**

 **Thanks. Solved it?**

 **In about six seconds, yeah.**

 **Hate you.**

* * *

When Shinichi was sixteen, Ran won a karate tournament. And out of both his heartfelt appreciation of her friendship and his utter terror at the force of her punches, he took her for a very special day at Tropical Land.

It turned out _special_ , alright, and not in a good way. You'd think the decapitation on the roller coaster would be bad enough but _nooo,_ that apparently wasn't enough for Shinichi's luck this time around.

Anyway. In another world, in another life, he might have noticed the two suspicious men and dismissed them. They weren't relevant to the case; it was clear enough. But he'd spent enough time following men in black trenchcoats on vacations with Kaito that he had the sense to snap a quick, subtle picture of the two and send it off to Kaito.

 **Anyone you know?**

Kaito didn't immediately reply, so Shinichi went ahead and solved the case, tragic bloodstained pearls and all, which would be a detail to impress Kaito later, and started heading out. Ran started crying – because yeah, that was a pretty traumatic one with the blood everywhere – and he spent a few moments trying to comfort her.

And in those few, utterly crucial moments, he ignored the _bing_ of his texts.

One pipe to the back of the head, forced drugging, and impossible near death experience later, he checked them. All from Kaito:

 **YES. Avoid!**

 **Seriously stay away!**

 **Dad recognizes those guys, they are serious Batman problems!**

 **Okay euphemism aside THEY SHOOT AT US.**

 **Can you get them arrested?**

 **Can you frame them for something?**

 **Totally get them arrested if you can manage it.**

 **Shinichi are you even listening to me?**

 **Seriously, don't mess with these guys! If you can't get them arrested RIGHT NOW, run for it!**

 **You're messing with those guys as we speak, aren't you.**

 **ABORT ABORT ABORT**

 **Red alert Shinichi those dudes will murder you!**

 **Why aren't you answering?**

 **If I have to come home just to go to your funeral I will be upset. I will show everyone those pictures from when we were nine and went to that party. I will tell them about the pie thing. I swear I will. Don't you dare die.**

 **Shinichi answer me or I am calling Ran.**

Shinichi had better things on his mind, for once.

 **HOLY CRAP I'M SIX.**

 **What?**

 **I'M SIX KAITO. LIKE ACTUALLY SIX.**

 **Good to know you're alive at least. Are you okay?**

 **No I'm six!**

 **Did they drug you? Are you drugged right now?**

 **I'm not high! I'm six!**

 **I sincerely doubt both of those things.**

Shinichi, instead of arguing, just sent a picture.

 **HOLY CRAP YOU'RE SIX.**

 **I told you!**

 **Am I high? Are we both hallucinating?**

 **I wish.**

 **I'm coming home. Stay with Agasa until I get there** _ **.**_

* * *

 **So. Uh. Change of plans?**

 **What happened.**

 **Ran.**

 **Ran happened? Did you tell her?**

 **No! She thinks I'm a cousin.**

 **Of yourself.**

 **Yeah. So I'm staying with her.**

 **...Meitantei, you seriously need to talk to someone about those self-destructive tendencies of yours. You're six, so you immediately go to one of the only people in the world who knew you when you were six, and would recognize a six year old you.**

 **Shut up. I have a disguise.**

 **Oh I'm sure. It's fake glasses isn't it.**

 **...Yeah.**

 **Great job, Meitantei, that won't backfire at all. Because nobody ever takes their glasses off.**

 **Shut up.**

 **Fine, fine. I'm coming by to see you. Who should I ask for?**

 **Edogawa Conan.**

There was a pause.

 **You're laughing at me, aren't you.**

 **It's a brand new combination of laughter and simultaneous facepalming. I invented it just for you.**

 **Thanks.**

* * *

Kaito showed up the next day, backing up Shinichi's cousin story with "Oh yeah we met your parents on vacation once, that time when we went to Norway and that serial killer kept pushing people off of ski lifts! You were just a baby then, and my dad and I made you levitate! Your mom almost slapped me." Which was... true enough. Ran would remember the story about the ski lift killer. It gave him a little bit of protection from the suspicions Ran was already starting to have.

(It didn't help that he was a terrible liar. Claiming to just somehow have the exact make and model of phone that cousin Shinichi had somehow hadn't helped.)

But he took Shinichi out shopping for basic necessities.

"Seriously, no. That blazer was awful when you actually were that size. Your mom bought it for you, didn't she."

"So what?"

"So. Point made."

And a few things that would help him act more _six_ than _sixteen_.

"It's an _action_ _figure_. And you love Kamen Yaiba."

"I have never in my life loved Kamen Yaiba."

"Well, you love it now."

"Why can't I love Sherlock? Six year olds love Sherlock."

" _You_ loved Sherlock as a six year old. But you're a weirdo."

" _I'm_ a weirdo?"

"Look, you can love Sherlock Holmes. I doubt you can even pretend not to. You just have to find space in your heart for Kamen Yaiba too."

"...Fine."

And to round off the day, they agreed on a cover story, ("You're investigating a major criminal organization. I'm helping.") faked the necessary paperwork to get Conan into school, ("Would you prefer to be three years ahead in math, or three years ahead in science?") and bugged his high school classroom so he could keep up with the lectures ("Just don't let any of the kiddies see the notes you're _actually_ taking.")

And then they got ice cream.

Kaito still stole half of his.

* * *

 **Ran figured it out.**

 **Told you she would. You fess up?**

 **No. Convinced her she was imagining things.**

 **...Meitantei.**

 **What?**

 **Do you actively enjoy digging your own grave?**

 **I can't tell her!**

 **Why not?**

 **Because they might be watching!**

 **Okay, Shinichi, they're big, but they're not "Able to individually supervise random Beika first graders" big.**

 **They might be watching HER, idiot. They never found my body and might still be trying to confirm my death.**

 **Like Sherlock keeping Dr. Watson in the dark?**

 **Exactly like that.**

 **Keep in mind, though: Dr. Watson was not a renowned karate champion.**

 **What?**

 **I hope you're not too attached to having intact ribs, that's all I'm saying.**

 **Shut up.**

* * *

 **Met the guy who killed my mom.**

 **WHAT?**

 **Yeah. He shot me.**

 **And again, WHAT? Do I need to visit you in the hospital?**

 **I'm fine – all leads deadended though. I'll send you what info we have anyway.**

 **I'll do what I can with it.**

 **Thanks. Dad and Jii-chan are freaking out.**

 **Don't blame them!**

 **Still, nice to have the confirmation that it really was murder.**

 **I've never doubted it.**

 **I know.**

* * *

 **Saw those guys again!**

 **Oh no. What, are you** _ **two**_ **now? Do I need to forge preschool entry papers?**

 **No. But they tried to blow up a train.**

 **Yes, that is the sort of thing they do!**

 **I learned their code names though!**

 **Oh?**

 **Gin and Vodka.**

 **...Oh dear.**

 **What?**

 **Nothing that can be said over text. We knew the guys, and we knew the names, but we did not know the names connected to the guys. I'll send you what we have.**

 **Thanks and thanks.**

 **Try not to get blown up in the meantime.**

* * *

 **So I heard you've been absolved of being Batman?**

 **Yep. One shiny new alibi, just for me.**

 **How did that happen?**

 **Aoko made me take her on a date to Tropical Land.**

 **An actual DATE date?**

 **Yes. Preemptive shut up.**

 **Wasn't gonna say anything.**

 **Yes you were.**

 **Yeah, I was. Also, Tropical Land?**

 **It's a completely murder-free place when you aren't in it.**

* * *

 **What's this I hear about Ran having seen you?**

 **Ugh, can it wait? I'm hung over.**

 **And this story just got about a hundred times more interesting.**

 **Okay, so there was this jerk from Osaka, Hattori something. Wanted to challenge me to a deduction battle.**

 **Is that even a thing?**

 **Apparently? But I had a cold, and apparently over in Osaka the thing you do with first graders when they have colds is give them liquor.**

 **Sounds responsible.**

 **And then there was this murdered guy and whatever, not that interesting. But um. Turns out the liquor acted as an antidote?**

 **You're serious.**

 **I know, it's ridiculous. But I turned back into me, but with like, some kind of death flu, and did the deduction battle thing. I won.**

 **Of course.**

 **But then it wore off, so I had to run.**

 **Which would be why Ran is convinced you died. But may I ask why Aoko wants me to help with, and I quote, the "naked corpse search party"?**

 **...My clothes fell off when I shrunk, okay?**

 **Of course, Naked-Corpse-san.**

 **Hate you.**

 **Seriously, though, give her a call. She's worried.**

* * *

 **Hattori figured it out.**

 **How?**

 **Blackmail and me being bad at lying.**

 **I like him already.**

* * *

 **So I just had to listen to Sonoko lusting after your dad for an hour.**

 **Ergh. Brain bleach. Why would you tell me this?**

 **Because if I have to suffer, so should you.**

 **Oh thanks.**

 **So this letter she's so excited about. Genuine Batman?**

 **Yes. You're not getting any hints.**

 **Never said I needed any.**

And later:

 **Nice use of firework. Still hate you.**

And significantly later:

 **Was that you or your dad?**

 **Which answer is less likely to have you kick my face in next time you see me?**

 **I'm almost positive it was you. Your dad couldn't pull off that dress.**

 **I plead the fifth.**

 **We're not American.**

 **Still worth a shot. Are you going to kill me?**

 **That depends on how you *actually* got her underwear.**

 **...So, apology ice cream?**

 **Apology entire candy shop. And flowers for Ran.**

 **Done.**

* * *

 **Okay, so I'm at this gathering of magicians.**

 **And someone got murdered.**

 **Yes. Please no comments from the peanut gallery, I'm beginning to think it's inevitable whenever I go somewhere.**

 **I'm glad you've finally stopped deluding yourself, but I do have more than speculation this time.**

 **What?**

 **Turn around.**

* * *

 **So, uh. Remember how I'm six now?**

 **Hard thing to forget, Meitantei-*kun*.**

 **Shut up. But, turns out I'm not the only one.**

 **Oh?**

 **Yeah. She used to work for them, and she's... vaguely terrifying.**

 **Just your type then.**

 **Shut up. I'll email you what information she'll let me send; compare it to what you guys have?**

 **Done and done.**

* * *

They finally made some progress:

 **So. Vermouth?**

 **Awful. Hate her. Dad hates her more. I'll send you a picture, for all the good it does when she's constantly in disguise. Chris/Sharon Vineyard. I'll get you the rest of what we have on her later.**

 **Thanks.**

Really, that saved him _so much trouble_.

* * *

 **So I just had to fake dear sweet Conan-kun's medical history.**

 **Um.**

 **Because dear sweet Conan-kun was SHOT.**

 **I can explain.**

 **Because dear sweet Conan-kun doesn't know any better than to draw the attention of ARMED ROBBERS.**

 **I didn't mean to!**

 **Oh yes, that makes it all better.**

 **It's not like you haven't been shot!**

 **I have the sense to wear a bulletproof vest!**

 **They don't make them in my size!**

 **I will make you one. And you will wear it. And it will say "IDIOT CHILD, PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT" in big letters on the back.**

 **Gee thanks.**

 **You're welcome. But seriously, Ran's onto you.**

 **Great. How about I deal with that later. Once I'm not on these fun floaty painkillers.**

 **If you need a body double, let me know.**

 **That would be great, thanks.**

* * *

 **Okay, so next time: Tell Hattori you already have a body double coming. And while you're at it, maybe tell me that YOU HAVE A MAGIC ANTIDOTE, AND WILL BE THERE YOURSELF.**

 **Yeah, three Shinichis was way too many Shinichis.**

 **No kidding. But you're back now?**

 **I think so! No sign of it wearing off yet.**

 **Too bad about that kiss, though.**

 **Don't say anything.**

 **Meitantei. When have you ever known me to say anything?**

 **The entirety of our acquaintance?**

 **Shut up.**

 **Okay, I'm gonna stop texting for a while. I'm taking Ran out to dinner.**

* * *

 **It wore off?**

 **Shut up forever.**

 **I was going to offer consolatory movie night, but that works too.**

 **Sorry. I just... She was crying.**

 **I know. I'm sorry.**

 **Yeah.**

* * *

 **Okay, you're right, Hakuba's pretty annoying in person.**

 **Told you.**

 **And did you really have to dress up as Mouri Kogoro?**

 **It was a detectives gathering. I'm not a detective.**

 **Yeah, but Mouri?**

 **Would you prefer I dress up as you?**

 **Point taken.**

* * *

 **So: Halloween cruise.**

 **I am SO there. Dad gets invited every year.**

 **As Batman?**

 **In an entirely non-Batman capacity. He is famous for entirely legal reasons, you know.**

 **Fair warning, Hattori's coming too.**

 **You really should be warning him.**

 **Just trying to avoid another multi-Shinichi situation.**

* * *

 **So turns out those suspicious people I've been wondering about for months were the FBI.**

 **And if you'd mentioned them months ago, I would've told you that.**

 **Seriously? No. Don't tell me. Just... send me what you have on them.**

* * *

 **So. Suzuki Jirokichi.**

 **Yes?**

 **Related to Suzuki Sonoko?**

 **Uncle.**

 **Good to know. Does this have anything to do with her massive, massive crush on Batman? Because I feel like my dad deserves some warning.**

 **She has a boyfriend now. But no. Apparently it's something about some kind of battle for the front page.**

 **...Seriously?**

 **Yes.**

 **Huh. I think we'll enjoy crushing this guy.**

* * *

 **I figured the trick out.**

 **Good for you.**

 **I would've won if there hadn't been two of you.**

 **You would've tried.**

* * *

 **Okay, does the song "Nanatsu no ko" mean anything to you?**

 **It hadn't occurred to me before, but now that I'm paying attention it does remind me of several times that we've been shot at.**

 **So it's not just me then.**

* * *

It was around the time they found out that the CIA as well as the FBI was infiltrating the Black Organization that the tide started to turn. The information that Toichi, Kaito, and Jii contributed – once the FBI had been persuaded that Kaitou Kid really did not need investigating and that all of this very useful information had come from totally legal sources – kept them from accidentally capturing Kir, and Vermouth didn't stand much of a chance against the three Kids.

Seriously. No one would've. By the time they finished foiling the assassination attempt, nobody was sure who anyone was. Too many masks, switched too many times. Vermouth captured, the two snipers shot, and Gin on the run.

It was a good day.

Well, it could've been better. Kogoro was still pretty thoroughly traumatized about all the shooting, much of which had been in his direction, but as always he was easily distracted by a pretty lady, and Jodie-sensei, trying to get his account of events from him, definitely qualified. And Ran was unhappy. And Kuroba Toichi, vibrating disapproval in Vermouth's general direction, was making things a bit awkward for everyone.

But Kaito brought ice cream to the debriefing, which helped.

(And they texted literally the whole time.)


End file.
